Questionable iTunes Purchases

If it weren’t for the past, I’d think I was pretty awesome. Because the past haunts you from the moment you make one regrettable decision and in some ways, it defines you. Then, the buffoonery starts to add up.

I consider myself a musical aficionado, well versed in artist and song. Good music is good music, I always say.

The first album I ever purchased? Sisqo, Unleash the Dragon.

I can never get back my dignity from that squandered chance to ever make myself look admirable. The same goes for that $10 allowance.

So I admit, I listen to sh*tty music sometimes. We all do because our society craves unhealthy consumption. But I recently noticed that iTunes had a little link to see past purchases and I thought I was about to relive some glorious moments from the origin of my musical endeavors. Select few items on that list were legendary staples to the music collection (RED, Mitch Hedberg, Thrice, Jeff Buckley). Bravo, Past Me.

But many others left me in shame. And I humbly acknowledge my lack of judgment and own up to my follies. And for the record, out of the 24,000+ songs on my iPod, Sisqo is not among them.

  • U2 – U218 Singles (Deluxe Edition)
    Please note that this album, as I remember, was on sale. Twenty-eight tracks from a well-respected band for 10 bucks? What a deal I thought. That is until you look at the play count.That takes account for the last six years, mind you. Awful. And most of those probably came when I accidentally left my iPod on shuffle. Poor U2. Such prestige wasted on an insolent child who should have just settled for a copy of “The Joshua Tree.”
    And you ask, “Corey, I thought you once said that ‘One’ is one of the greatest songs of all time?” This is true. But I prefer the Mary J. Blige version.
  • Staind – Chapter V
    Oh, so that’s why there was no “Parental Advisory” sticker.

    This is probably my favorite album from a band I moderately like. Should be a winner, right? SURE, JUST NOT THE EDITED VERSION. My teenage angst took a slight blow after this one.

  • Bon Jovi – Three songs. I’ll let you guess which ones
    It’s one thing to buy the a greatest hits album. It’s another to buy popular singles that fester in the very air we breathe. I did both because my generosity to washed-up hair bands knows no bounds. “Livin’ on a Prayer” in digital AND CD format? There is no price I wouldn’t pay to scream “WOOOAAAHHH-OOOOHHHH” in every possible instance.
  • Panic! at the Disco – Five tracks from “A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out”
    Nothing makes me want to shove a spork into my eye more than unfinished albums on my iPod. So not only did I go against everything I stood for by buying less than half of the album, THEY WEREN’T EVEN THE GOOD SONGS. Seriously, no one should get an iTunes gift card before age 21.
  • Maroon 5 – The B-Side Collection
    Just kidding. Seriously, the best B-side collection of all time.
  • Buckcherry – 15
    This band blows. I could do a whole other post on why bands like this, eroded versions of drugged-out 80s hair bands, add nothing to the music industry. Aside from the shocking musical quality found in “Everything,” all the songs are about drugs, sex and rock and roll. I’m trying to replay how I, even in my adolescent naivete, could click through the “Are you sure you want to purchase this album?” warnings. I sat and WAITED for this garbage to finish taking a dump on my sacred iTunes library. I will never forgive myself.
  • Survivor – “Eye of the Tiger” single
    #$@% me.

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